The Seduction of Control #2: The Source of Unhealthy Control

Whence come this tendencies of control? Of course we love control – to have control means that we have direct influence over something, to have an ability to shape and mould. It means we could define and enjoy our own welfare and happiness. And who would not want that? But control issue have long-long history.

God, the Creator, is the only one that have full control of the universe. But He was challanged by a delusional character that want to have the same position as the Almighty. We do not know his real thought and intention, but when tempting Adam and Eve he offer them “you will be like God”, something that sound like what satan himself want. Because God has endowed man with free-will – that is the ability to choose freely – and haven’t take it back, we have always have an option “to be like god” whenever we want to. And since Adam and Eve choose to be like god, we all have crooked and distorted will and control.

See, free will means that we have the ability to choose. And freely we choose. But we didn’t have the full ability to enforce that choice infinitely. You could hate the mountain and wish that it will go away, but wishing does not mean getting. We also did not have the ability to choose the outcome or consequences of our choice. You could freely choose to throw yourself out of highest building, but without any other support you could not avert the disaster to your body. Only God in His Omnipotence have the capacity to get what He want and to choose the consequences that He like. For us human, Free Will does not equal Free Reign (pun intended).

So it means that our craving for control is not followed by our ability to always make it happen. In order to maximize our control of our situation and result we have science and technology, which makes our life better and easier. But when it comes to control other people, we need other skill. That’s why in our fallen nature we resort to tricks to maximizing our control. The tricks are:

  • Dominating – usually with strength/force, such as cognitive, physical or material dominance over other people
  • Manipulating – usually with guilt, snaking its way to people’s heart with small but important inconsistencies, .
  • Intimidating – usually deals with fear, slicing to people’s heart by touching their nerve 

And usually the tricks is to touch people deepest needs and touch it with the unhealthy control.

That is the way we are growing, because that’s the way we learn, just as our forefathers learnt long time ago. And now we see mothers use guilt on her children. Father tried to dominate. Your boss trying to intimidate. And that’s what we do to each other.

Coming Up: The Seductions of Control #3: Expression of unhealthy control

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